Dear Miki:

I’ve been dating a woman whose husband was killed in an auto accident two years ago. She can’t stop talking about him. I was sympathetic in the beginning, because I was curious about their relationship but after six months, I’m a bored aficionado.

“Pam” is smart, warm, compassionate and fun when she focuses on us but defaults to him at the slightest opportunity. Last night I took her to an expensive restaurant - and you guessed it, that’s where he’d proposed to her. I really begrudged every bite of her filet mignon between her misty memories.

We’re in our 30s and everyone in our social circle is married. I want to settle down with someone who loves me without a third person haunting our relationship.

Should I talk to her about it or move on?

~ Which Way

Dear W.W.:

When a person dates to have someone to talk to about heartache, it’s time for him or her to schedule an appointment with a paid professional.

Tell her you know how difficult it must be for her to adjust to such a sudden loss, and that you would like to be friends for now.

Move on.

Dear Miki:

When 20, and still in college, my boyfriend and I wanted to live together, but my parents threatened to cut off my tuition monies if I did. They said if I loved “Jason” enough to live with him, I should love him enough to marry him. We got married and after two kids and 15 years of bickering, my husband and I divorced.

My parents divorced five years ago and my father died last year. He never remarried and still loved Mom until the end.

Recently, I was stunned to receive a letter from my 58-year old mother saying she has moved in with her boyfriend and to note the new mailing address. I deserve more than an announcement she’s living in sin and where to send her mail.

If I’d been able to try on the shoe to see if it fitted, I would’ve been able to mend my mistake and gone on to find the right guy. Instead, I must work very hard to raise two kids with minimum help from a lazy ex.

Where are Mom’s religious convictions now that the shoe is on the other foot?

~ Burning Faith

Dear B.F.:

They’re one step behind finances.

For your information, an unmarried divorced spouse may receive the same social security benefits as a widow/widower as long as the marriage lasted for 10 years or more. If the person remarries after age 60, she/he is not penalized and can collect benefits from the former spouse's work record. At 62 or older, the person can switch to the new spouse’s retirement benefits if they are higher.

Your mother has no culpability for your choosing to accept tuition money and picking the wrong man to marry. Think of it this way, as a result of your education, you’re in a better position to support the great kids you had with a “lazy” man.

For what it’s worth, you each made an important decision based on finances. Quit crabbing about your mom, the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

As for her mortal soul, the matter is between her, God and the economy.

Miki Garcia can be reached at askmikigarcia@yahoo.com.