Sock it to me? Time to take stock, cougar
Ask Miki
Dear Miki: Call me a “cougar” preying on a young guy if you wish. I’m 45 years old, married, and gaga over my personal trainer who is half my age. We’ve had lunch a few times, and a gal knows when there is chemistry and we have it! He’s witty, charming and courteous and in the best shape I’ve ever seen. When he flirts, I flirt back. I’ve recommended him to all my friends and they adore him. My husband is 50, balding, paunchy, acts 70, and comes home from work and sits in front of the TV until he goes to bed — early. I’m left to fantasize with a glass of wine and sometimes call “Mr. Adonis” asking for advice on diet, exercise or a sore muscle. He always takes my calls, even when he’s on a date, and never rushes me off the phone. There’s always an invitation to call back if I have any more questions. I’ve tactfully asked him about his love life and he doesn’t say much, but his sexy smile and big eyes tell me he’s open to my making the first move. Don’t tell me that my marriage is heading for divorce. I don’t care. I’m tired of being bored to death and picking up hubby’s socks. I’ve told my sister about everything and she says I’m crazy and thinks I should see a therapist. She’s just jealous because she’s still tied down with kids and gave up her dream. So how should I approach Mr. Adonis and heat things up? ~ Lady Going Gaga Dear L.G.G.: Remember the e-mail sent around the world of the drop-dead-gorgeous-shirtless guy with bulging biceps, triceps, etc.? The caption said something like, “Somebody somewhere is tired of his crap” (another word was used but you get the meaning). Well I’m here to tell you that no matter how hard “Mr. Adonis’” abs are, they will never, ever be strong enough to pick up his socks. I have a stepson in upper management at an international fitness company who came up through the ranks. At 30, he’s still phenomenally handsome, 6’3, blonde, sky blue eyes, witty, charming, and courteous. Has all the major attributes you seem to admire. He began as a personal trainer and found his biggest referral base was older women mesmerized by him. Their slobbering and pestering were very annoying to his girlfriend and to him, but that type of inappropriate behavior comes with the fitness territory. Stop making a fool of yourself; “Mr. Adonis” cringes when you “drunk dial.” Your wine glass overfloweth, and I don’t need to be a sommelier to know it! Your sister sounds emotionally mature, and you sound like a child looking for a shiny toy. Even if the “toy” were receptive, he’d drop you sooner than the milk’s expiration date in your fridge. After you cancel your club membership, cozy up to your husband and tell him you’d love him to join a gym with you and later have a romantic dinner. You better spice it up before you lose a guy not cheating but still waiting for you to make that move. Have I got a hot flash for you, unless you’re flush with cash, few guys in their 20s warm up to a woman about to have one. Miki Garcia can be reached at askmikigarcia@yahoo.com.
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This is my debut “relationship advice” column with accompanying cartoon drawn by Mike Brown and captioned with a Miki-ism.
Give me your thoughts, opinions, problems, questions, etc.
From my cursor to yours,
Miki
Comment emailed to askmikigarcia@yahoo.com:
Very good advice!
Larry
Response to Larry:
I love those who agree with me...
From my cursor to yours,
Miki
Comment emailed to askmikigarcia@yahoo.com:
Miki, unfortunately you are right on......if she is so sick and tired of her husband then she needs to take care of that first. If to no avail then leave and start a new life, remember the 40's are the new 30's and if that hunk of burning love is still around there maybe consideration. Unless she's got some bank, I doubt it. Sometimes people need to take stock of their life and decide what the next move is without making the next move.........cart before the horse analogy...........
xoxo Char
Response to Char:
A person can't solve a problem by creating a new one. You're right on!
From my cursor to yours,
Miki
Great advice Miki, I knew you would do well with your new relationship column. As a recent divorcee I can definitely say that the grass is not always greener on the other side.
Heidi
Comment emailed to askmikigarcia@yahoo.com:
Well, I figure the people calling older women "cougars" are guys who can't get younger women to go out with them. I was pursued by a guy about 20 years younger. Once I figured out he WAS in fact, coming on to me and dilly-dallied around a while longer, he and I had some good times. And, actually, I think all the guys I've gone out with over the past many years were younger than I am. But, my trainer? Nope. He was a great guy -- strong, wiry and really taught me a lot about how to get in shape and stay there, but romance? Nope. I went to his wedding.
Whatever the age of the woman and or the man, it is always best not to be delusional -- maybe that's how your writer ended up with the couch potato she's stuck with now.
Facing Reality
Response to Facing Reality:
I agree if neither is delusional, there's no problem with a single woman dating a single younger man. However, as a woman advances in age, she will feel less attractive while the guy, 20 years younger, might be just hitting his stride. She better put on her tennis shoes to keep up with him before someone else steps in.
Thanks for sharing your experience.
From my cursor to yours,
Miki
Response to Heidi:
True, 'the grass is not always greener on the other side,' you will often find stink weeds.
Thanks, Heidi, for taking the time to comment.
From my cursor to yours,
Miki
Comment emailed to askmikigarcia@yahoo.com:
C'mon, Miki, the lady wasn't looking for a long-term relationship. She just wanted some "companionship".
Seriously, congratulations on your new gig. It was something you said a long time ago you wanted to do, wasn't it? Good luck.
Bob Schmidt
Response to Bob Schmidt:
You're right, Bob, I've always wanted to do an updated "Dear Abby". Nothing more fun than telling others what to do.
And you're, also, right about the "companionship" 'Lady Going Gaga' misses. With the proper CPR, she might be surprised how well hubby responds.
Thanks for the good luck sent my way. Continue to read my column and keep me on my toes.
From my cursor to yours,
Miki
Dear Miki,
At last, someone is telling it like it is! That means you! What a sad story. It's painful to watch people who can't see beyond the end of their nose. Where does she think she's getting the money to pay for Hunko's training, phone-time, vino and diet tips? From old fat baldy, that's who! How I wish old fat baldy would catch her in the act and dump her for a much younger gal who appreciates a good guy and a secure and damn good life. Sorry, but I do not like cheaters - I have too many female friends who would love to have a decent hard working and yes, even balding man. SM
Response to Josheel:
I don't know if 'Lady Going Gaga' has a job and is paying for her fantasy, but this past time could cost her more than she wants to pay.
California is a community property state, and all property acquired during marriage is presumed to be community property. Retirement plans, pension benefits, life insurance, earnings, wages and prizes, professional goodwill, stock options and personal injury awards collected against a third party are generally community property.
And in California, a marriage can be dissolved on the grounds of irreconcilable differences or incurable insanity. If she doesn't snap out of it, the latter may be grounds to split the sheets. If so, she'll be on the divorce treadmill sweatin' to the oldies.
Thanks for your comment.
From my cursor to yours,
Miki
Comment emailed to askmikigarcia@yahoo.com:
Congrats. Great debut. Classic truths..colorful..entertaining..
Charlie
Response to Charlie:
Thanks, Charlie, for your comment. I appreciate your readership and your good taste!
From my cursor to yours,
Miki
Comment emailed to askmikigarcia@yahoo.com:
You’re off to a great start!
M. A.
Response to M. A.:
Appreciate your reading the column,
From my cursor to yours,
Miki
Comment emailed to askmikigarcia@yahoo.com:
She’s sad, lonely, self-involved and misguided. Time to trade-in the trainer for a therapist.
Barb
Response to Barb:
You got the picture.
From my cursor to yours,
Miki
YAHOO!!! Right on Miki. Not only a fantastic article, but an answer I so dearly love. I too can speak from experience and witnessing first
hand exactly what you describe. So it's not just you and your experiences to set miss GAGA straight. Yeah, miss GAGA, try some of
that flirtatious attitude for the man who has been faithful to you. TALK! COMMUNICATE!!! I don't know anyone who can actually read
another persons mind. However, if it is truly over, then leave. Get out! Be a stand up person and do what's right. GET OUT FIRST!!!
Otherwise you will be labled the "S", "B", or any other word that comes to mind.
Later,
Euby
Comment emailed to askmikigarcia@yahoo.com:
As an old, hygienically-challenged, bald, toothless, fat guy who enjoys a 4-pack-a-day habit, I salute those young bucks for lugging the old cougars around. It takes a great burden off the rest of us who are satisfied with a remote, recliner and a free hand to scratch ourselves. Life just keeps getting better.
Couch Potato
Response to Couch Potato:
You're not married to 'Lady Going Gaga' are you?
From my cursor to yours,
M
Comment emailed to askmikigarcia@yahoo.com:
Cool column. Love it.
I had a boyfriend that was18 years younger than me. I don't have any money so that wasn't it. We were together for 16 years before I broke it off. We are still friends.
You just never know.
"Likes Younger Men"
Response to "Likes Younger Men":
The best part is that you are still friends.
Whatever the age of consenting adults, the end of the relationship should be amicable. It makes life so much easier.
From my cursor to yours,
Miki
Comment emailed to askmikigarcia@yahoo.com:
That was great advice. You will do well with your relationship advice column Miki. You have street smarts along with common sense.
Buzz
Response to Buzz:
I do admit to having been around a block...or two...or three.
Thanks for your readership.
From my cursor to yours,
Miki